Life has changed and the familiar family structures have shifted too. That’s why, recently, philosophical literature has been avidly discussing the new, very real question: Can grown children ignore their filial obligation? This question appeared because many people are afraid to say “no” to their parents and are ready to sacrifice their own interests and dreams just not to hear their reproaches. For this reason, there are many people who don’t live the life they want and who become hostages of feelings of guilt and debt that are actually impossible to repay.
Zgrnews decided to touch on this serious topic and help grown kids understand where that thin line between gratitude and voluntary self-sacrifice is.
I wouldn’t exist without you, but my birth was your choice.
The favorite phrase of manipulator-parents goes like this: “I carried you for 9 months, I didn’t sleep at night, and I never even left your crib — where is your gratitude now?” But those are pretty natural things that each woman who decided to become a mother does, aren’t they?
A kid doesn’t even suspect that they might have to pay back all the care and warmth they are getting now. And when they are asked to return the debt, the love for the parents will gradually start to fade away and a mutual reproach will arise that will later grow into a disappointment in each other.
Claims and demands for an adult kid appear when the birth of the baby was supposed to become a guarantor of certain expectations that were placed on this child. In loving families, caring is a natural thing and parents take care of the new family member as something natural, that’s why there won’t be any need to ask for a child’s gratitude in the future.
I have given you so much and I am sorry if that remained unnoticed.
From the very first minutes of their life, a kid gives their parents everything they have: their look, their hugs, their first words, their crafts, etc. But parents need to have the strength and desire to notice everything their kid does for them. If the little things go unnoticed and if adults are sure that it’s only necessary to fulfill their kid’s basic needs, it’s not surprising that this kid won’t feel a strong bond with their family in the future. Needless to say that the desire to take care of elderly parents might not appear at all. In the best-case scenario, the adult kid might continue to fulfill their parents’ basic needs by buying products, medicine, and paying for their communal facilities, while at the same time trying to show up in their home as seldom as possible.